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child of the love generation
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| Bleeding cauldron of death! |
[Oct. 7th, 2004|03:11 pm] |
| [ | Being perceived by the ear |
| | Cream, BABY, YEAH! | ] |
This is a JOKE, so don't get your panties in a bundle!
my neice, Raven
Circle I Limbo Alice Cooper
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind Republicans
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow George Bush
Circle IV Rolling Weights Matt Little
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled River Styx Finkel
Circle VI Buried for Eternity River Phlegyas Ryan
Circle VII Burning Sands KKK
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement terrorists
Circle IX Frozen in Ice Design your own hell |
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| Memories |
[Oct. 4th, 2004|10:49 pm] |
| [ | Conscious state of mind |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | Being perceived by the ear |
| | Brand New | ] |
"Journal deleted"
and all memories vanish with a spark
into space.
They are shot into the universe.
Into eternity,
for eternity
all your memories of me,
not the best times,
are ingraved in your soul
whether you care or not.
I want to travel into eternity
and capture the light,
the light of the memories,
the light of our love that once was
and give it back to you
to cherish it
burn it
melt into your mind
and fill the cracks of your broken heart. |
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| I'm encased in ashes |
[Oct. 2nd, 2004|08:52 am] |
| [ | Conscious state of mind |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Being perceived by the ear |
| | Tool | ] |
I only had to stay home from school for one day. I must have ate something bad. I thank the creator that yesterday was Friday. Jesse gave me a note yesterday that was rather upsetting. If I hurt him and he doesn't know why he "puts up with it anymore", then why doesn't he just save himself from the misery and just tell me it's over? Then yesterday after school he walked to my house? I don't understand that. I've been so angry towards everyone. Jesse, too. Little things will put me in a a bad mood. Like, with Jesse, the way he says something, the way he does something, or something he wears will piss me off. I don't know what has been wrong with me. I need to escape. |
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| Sugar snack crackers |
[Sep. 29th, 2004|06:10 pm] |
| [ | Conscious state of mind |
| |  drained | ] |
Hey, I'm alive. I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. Things have been overall pretty crappy. Especially the past few days. I have wanted to punch people's lights out for even looking at me weird. Almost everything that people do ends up pissing me off in some way. I haven't been as enthusiastic or exciting as I usually am. It's not really a bad thing, in my opinion. Everyone asks me, "Ellie, what's wrong with you today?". Well, nothing is wrong with me. I just guess I no longer have the energy to constantly jump around like I used to. The past three days, I have come home and shoved Motrin down my throat because my head ached, and I was exhausted from the day at school. It made me feel better physically and gave me the energy to jump around and be wacko. It felt good. Jesse and I never see eachother or talk anymore. I know this is horrible, but I have to admit, sometimes I just don't feel like talking or spending time with him. I have felt so drained of feeling except for anger. I'm afraid that something he says or does is going to set me off. I sometimes find myself wanting to change things about him. I keep on getting caught up in relationships from the past. He shouldn't have to deal with my crap. Ergh. I'm so sore, and I feel like I'm going to puke up my guts. |
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| SOMEBODY STOP THE SPACESHIP! |
[Sep. 14th, 2004|04:20 am] |
| [ | Conscious state of mind |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | Being perceived by the ear |
| | Franz Ferdinand | ] |
Casey spent the night on Friday. We went to Wal-Mart at 10 o'clock at night, dressed up in Halloween costumes, and harrassed customers. We finally bought the magical red candies. We got home at 1 in the morning. We fell asleep but woke back up at like 6. We were still fried. The next morning we slept until like noon, and hung around the house until like 3. My mom took us too Baybrook Mall, and we got lost. "Mortar and pestel! Mortar and pestel! Mortar and pestel! Crush large solids!" we shouted in all the stores. I was still out of it. We went to Barnes and Noble. I bought some CDs. The cashier was very enthusiastic and showed us his magic tricks. We took Casey home =(. The next day was my dad's birthday. We had no presents for him. I felt bad. But I spent the whole day at my brother's house. We baked him a chocolate cake. The whole family and Jesse spent time at my house. We ate pizza and watched TV. We watched the GI Joe cartoons and cracked up. I was sad when it was all over because the weekend rocked so hard.
It's 4:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I have too many thoughts. My mind is one big acid trip.
peace,
ellie |
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| Buddha must have been an emo kid.. |
[Sep. 8th, 2004|06:07 pm] |
| [ | Conscious state of mind |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | Being perceived by the ear |
| | Mars Volta | ] |
I saw the way you held her in your arms
and laid your head on her shoulder.
My heart throbbed
and so did my entire body.
All sound was blocked from my ears,
except for thoughts,
too crude to understand at that moment.
Rip apart...
Get away...
Please don't be...
I buried my true self in this love,
this scab.
My stomach curled up even more than it already was.
I tried to wash it all away,
wash it all away with soap and water.
but my feelings still bleed
internally.
Why must I want to destroy everything that brings you happiness? |
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| Just another "internet friend" again |
[Sep. 6th, 2004|08:57 pm] |
| [ | Conscious state of mind |
| | blah | ] |
Who loves the sun
Who cares that it makes plants grow
Who cares what it does
Since you broke my heart
Who loves the wind
Who cares that it makes breezes
Who cares what it does
Since you broke my heart
Who loves the sun
Who loves the sun
Not everyone
Who loves the sun
Who loves the rain
Who cares that it makes flowers
Who cares that it makes showers
Since you broke my heart
Who loves the sun
Who cares that it is shining
Who cares what it does
Since you broke my heart
Who loves the sun
Who loves the sun
Not everyone
Who loves the sun
-lyrics "Who Loves the Sun" by Velvet Underground |
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| Creature in the sky |
[Sep. 1st, 2004|08:51 pm] |
| [ | Conscious state of mind |
| |  indescribable | ] |
I know I need to update more frquently, but nothing much happens. It's just get up, go to school, come home, get on the internet, sleep, do homework, then sleep some more. Oh, how exciting. Today was the craziest day I've had since school last year. I had so much fun, but I also found out some bad news. I saw my favorite teacher, Mr. Baird, for the first time this year, and he told me that he has cancer, but he said that he thinks he is gonna be okay. I hope so.
Anyways, on a much happier note, it's great that I have so many classes with Matt this year. Every class, I end up laughing until my stomach hurts. World History was insane today. We went to the library, and I ended up sitting by Steven and some other people, most of which were black. They all pretended like they were slaves and that Mr. Larkin was their "masta". I didn't get any work done because I was listening to Steven and his friend Jeff being stupid and watching Steven laugh until he puked.
I've been feeling weird lately. It seems like my medicine hasn't been working or something. I daydream too much. I can't come home from school without ending up falling asleep. The weird thing is that if no one woke me up, if I had nowhere else to go, and nothing else to do, I don't think I would wake up. I know it sounds dumb, but even when I sleep 3 hours, I'm still tired afterwards.
peace,
ellie |
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| It's even more apart of your life now that you can't touch it. |
[Aug. 25th, 2004|07:33 pm] |
| [ | Conscious state of mind |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Being perceived by the ear |
| | A Perfect Circle | ] |
Things have been too complicated. I went to Mack's birthday party Saturday night. It felt great to spend time with my old friends. It brought back a lot of memories. I followed Mackenzie and some other fols to the park. He was on the roof, so I jumped up there with him. We had a long talk under the stars. We actually talked seriously for the first time in several months. It felt good to get my feelings off my chest. Jesse was stressed when I came back. I told him that nothing happened between Mack and I. I told him that I missed being with Mack. He's been worried and angry ever since. I understand that. I think I would be, too. My brain aches with confusion. I've barely had time for homework because of spending time with the family. I tried to read Jane Eyre last night while listwening to my stereo, but I just ended up putting my book down, falling into a puddle of random thoughts, becoming mesmerized by the cool blue neon glow of my clock, and falling asleep. Anyway, my dad had his surgery for his hernia today. I came home and he was just sitting around. I'm happy the surgery went well. He'll be home for several more days to relax and heal. So while I split a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked, Danny (the big bro) came over with the rest of the group. Jesse called, but in the middle of our conversation that was just getting... nice (?), David walked in and started messing with crap in my room, so I had to say goodbye. David and I sat in my room, and we talked for a long time, just about random stuff, er... mostly perverted stuff. The whole family has a sick sense of humor. We just couldn't help it. I must depart. Ol' Pappy is complaining about me not doing my homework.
-ellie |
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| The sun can be fun, but I live to see those rays slip away. |
[Aug. 11th, 2004|07:06 pm] |
| [ | Conscious state of mind |
| | nostalgic | ] |
| [ | Being perceived by the ear |
| | Blue Oyster Cult | ] |
It was a night lost deep in summer.
There was no time passing in my mind,
as if I would live on forever
in that warm, humid night.
A few stars pushed their white light through the misty, polluted sky
and twinkled upon this dirty town.
Our arms wreathed together,
like vines.
We grew together,
along with our souls.
I wiped your tears,
and I ripped myself from you, smiling.
I turned my back to you and floated happily home.
Summer was endless, and I was immortal.
I was ready to experience everything,
and Summer's death came anyway.
For anyone who is interested, I just made my own website for my poetry. The address is http://www.hometown.aol.com/jamboozie/index.html |
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sparkle_crab's journal